Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. <-I need this in bumper sticker form

Life is sexually transmitted

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. < Sooooooo true... I think I'll live by those words

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.