Wednesday, November 30, 2005


Just so you know, the last post was because Garfield finds that "your mom joke" the funniest thing ever, so I was told that I had to post it next time I went to post.

Ok, ssooooo totally in the best mood, having the greatest day, and am happy and content. Last night went for a climb, managed to do a 2 finger hold, and a mini dyno, all of which I was SSOOOO proud of!!!! Seriously, I'm ssoooo excited, I"m getting better, and its just something fun to work at... I love this climbing thing. Then went to Mel's (got there really late, felt bad, and am very sorry), but had an awesome time eating all of Becca's gummy worms, and talking till all hours of the night. I ssoooo missed my girls.

So today, woke up at Mel's house, just... Happy, ha ha.... She came in and woke me up, and I was like, uugghhhh... She was like, get up, ok... Was hoping she'd walk away, grabbed my holding pillow (I hold something when I sleep alone... lol) and rolled over, which apparently isn't exactly what she had in mind, so I was like.... Oh.... Do I have to get up? Uh.... ya. So I did... I got up and outa bed... And fell down again... Ha ha... I'm pretty sure I've never just gotten outa bed... And now I know why. So then I had some burnt cinnamon waffles (my fault :S) talked some more, went to feed my pony, but mom had taken care of him, so then off to do some running around. I stopped at the Pawn Shop first, annddd.... omg, OMG OMG OMG!!! Soooooo awesome. Oh, ya, got my camera. They gave me my grandfathers camera, the one I borrowed 2 years ago, but its about that old.... 2 years, and ssoooo perfect for what I want...... eeee hee hee!! Very happy!! So after that, went to the library dropped off my hilarious Stephanie Plum novel, found 3 Sidney Sheldon's I haven't read, then when I went to check them out, discovered they had "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" put aside for me, YYYEEEESSSS!!!!!! Plus Mel leant me "Sense and Sensibility" so I have 5 books to read YYAYYY!!!! *sigh* then searched for a nail polish to match my shirt and eyeliner for the Christmas party, didn't really hav emuch luck, but oh well. Got some goody bag thigns for Eric and Becca's bday party, and then got myself a Hot Fudge Sundae, came hoem and talked to my dad for a while, then talked to Jen on the phone, and now I sit here, in this amazing mood, playing awesome music.

Seriously, I'm quite happy with my life right now. I have somewhat of a balance with friends, I'm making good money, I'm starting to become physically active again, I'm giong back to school, and I hate to admit it, but I think the Christmas spirit is getting to me.... *sigh*

But now I"m off to do some horse stuff, maybe some Yoga, and then I'm going on a date tonight ;) really excited for that aspect of my life as well. Life is good, life is great.

Psssssttt... here's some lyrics to a song that reminds me of my state of mind right now :D

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride. Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no I got to keep on moving. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride. I'm running in a one touch ground, oh noI got to keep on moving.

Your mom...

Has a wooden leg with a kick stand, and has a glass eye with a fish in it.

(Happy Garfield?)

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I Hate My Job

1-I hate my job

2-Why for the love of god could I not buy ice cream at 7 am?!?

3-I hate ppl

4-Cars are stupid

*sigh* I have officially decided, I really REALLY hate my job... liek... grrrrr.... its ruined my life, its consuming my life, its the reason I have no life. Working late nights is the shitiest thing ever, it does have some perks, like kinda slow sometimes, really decent tips, and no management... or at least slack management... but still. fuck! First off.... swing rarely does their sidework... anddd..... geuss who gets busted for it?!?! Day shift is soooooo picky wanting me to do so much crap before I leave... in all fairness today Sharon did my sugars, but GGAH! Who cares about butter back ups!??! not me!! And i'm just sick of dealing with ppl... i dind't even really have any horrible customers, Garfield had a run in with a couple customers, but seriously.... I had nothign.... and I still left feeilng bitter. And this shift makes me sleep.... I get home all groggy... get sick of it and go to bed.... sleep for like, 10 hours... wake up all groggy... wander around the house. then OFF to work! YAY! what if it accidentally burnt down....? *sigh* Anyways, left work all bitter and angry, and wanted comfort food. When I say comfort food, I mean hotfudge sundae. But... tis 7 am, where would I get something like that?! NNOO! not going back to Denny's.... how bout... McDonalds?!?! Awesome, right? Wrong, apparently they shut down their ice cream machine... fuckers... and Dairy Queen, ya, not open... double fuckers. So do you konw what I had instead? Orange Juice... ya... NOT quite comfort food... grrrrr.

Cars are stupid... last night, got to work, sifted through my car looking for some stuff, found it, grabbed my stuff, hopped out, locked and closed the door.... aaaannnnddd fuck, left the lights out, so went to get back in, and oh ya, locked my keys in the car!! FFUUUCCKKKK!!!! Phone mom, who is unwilling to come save me, so instead phone BCAA (could thing I got it a month ago) they come, unlock my car.... so I had to leave my tables with Garfield and Joanna and run outside in my uniform to deal with it.... *sigH* sucked. AANnnddddd friday night, I wander outside an hour and a half before I had to leave for work, only to discover a hissing noise.... which was comming from my back tire.... which was caused by a 3 inch screw sticking into my tire... GGGAAHHHH!! couldn't get ahold of Mike to get him to drive me to and from work, mom didn't know how to plug a tire... however Dad phoned, instructed mom... it was a bitch, but we plugged the hole... only to discover there were actually 2 holes... in my brand fucking new tires... GGAAHHHH!!!

On a happy note, life is kinda taking a happy turn in other departments, very nice. AANNDDDD!!!! Christmas party is in 5 days!!! YYYAAAYYYY!!!! So excited!!! and right now I';m on my 2 days off, and on thursday instead of late nights, I work a swing shift!! Yay!! And tomorrow I"m going out on a date I believe. And tonight, I"m hanging out with Mel and Becca!! Double yay!! I love and miss those girls. And I finished the book i was reading very funny. And I'm sleepy.... um.... not so yay.... llol, I should post this, and go clean stalls... um.... yay?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Mom always used to say that if you can't say anything nice about someone, don't say anything at all. Luckily for me, she never said anything about just walking up and knocking the shit out of them.

What if, and then, or could...

AKLfjahgahg aslfsjkzh gfaslhgahgagfw fhagjaklsjfaks ghd fasjkghasd ghasklgfasdhgaskldghjgasdhgg ghalsghaoi hkc nxmvnxdm,bnseorti wamnxmnjhago'4iwhpwoj x,.mccvlawo[qp fhgrhg aweiophrsgfnmgv jdfkhgao'wher
fskfhsoruhkfjg drjkghawosldifjern g rghdrkghoweirhtpai whor ortu ergn rklgnaw oerth iow erthowrhgfhgdfjklhgiowae hioawerhgjrhfiogh erwor orhtoiretgiougfg r o tfgkfgiawoerhgoi

Wow, i think i've gotten better at expressing my emotions ^ eh? ;)

*sigh* so much confusion... sssooooo much confusion,..... I hate it, why can't life be all happy with rainbows and chocolate? Hmmm?!? HMMM??!??!''

On a related note, i'm kinda single again....

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Phil! Put your penis back in I want to take a picture...

Wow... that sounds kinda dirty... can't imagine what you're all thinking, but yes, I actually said that to Phil last night, in a room full of people...

So much for that bath I wanted... I actually fell back asleep again... SOO many weird dreams. I kept dreaming I was talking to ppl, but then I'd wake up and was all lonely, so I snuggled with the puppy Garfield gave me... and then I had a dream that Stan came over to my house with someone, and said that him and Diana broke up, and when I woke up after that one, I thought it was true for a while... Hmm... can't remember the others, but all I did last night was dream... shoulda taken some melatonin... hmmm... maybe will buy some today for self.


ANd... go bra shopping with my mom sister and jenny! Woot!

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times.

I think that quote from "A Tale of Two Cities" is best suited for my birthday. Like every story, I shall start from the begining.

Had to work, obviously, with Stan so it was uber fun. And at around 12:15 am, in walks Cole, Jen, Becca, and Garfield (he was just leaving, but saw them comming in, so recame in to sing then leave again) with a cake and candles. Was very embarassing and awesome, and RIGHT as I was going on my break, so I ushered them all over to table 25 and I ate chicken strips, then we all ate cake. Also, we had "good food turned bad for you" Stan and Kevin had this great idea to turn food normally healthy for you, not so healthy, by deep frying, and grilling in butter, different fruits. Stan even wrapped some in bacon. For the record, deep fried grapes are the best, grilled, not so much.

Anywyas, failed to mention the b/f showed up at like, 11:30... didn't really say much, just sat at different tables with different ppl... ALL night, finally towards morning, he was like, "did you want to go to breakfast?" "Sure...:) that would be nice." so I finally get all my sidework done, cash out, its freakin 7 am... come out, and like he has been all night, he's having conversation with some random chick at a table. w/e, thats cool. so I kinda hang out at the front door with Mac for a while... me and Mac are chit chatting away, Mac's awesome, i love talking to him. Finally I'm getting annoyed, its my birthday, and I don't want to spend the WHOLE thing at Denny's... its bad enough I have to go back that night. So I go... "Pssst.... I'm leaving." he looks up and waves at me... "So um... how bout that breakfast?" And I leave... he follows shortly, and drives me to feed, drops Mac off and takes me to breakfast at De Dutch. Where we sat and hardly talked the WHOLE time... stared at random points on the wall, sang along to the country music... get into his truck to get me back to my car... when he parks I'm like.... "Listen, you need to relax around me or something... you seem capable of talking to everyone else, but not me... I can't do this" his response... "Ok" and..... more silence... I waited for a while, then thanked him for breakfast and left... we had no physical contact the whole time I saw him. When I got home he phoned my cell to talk, and I repeated alot of what I said in the truck... he was like, ya, I really need to work on that, wha wha wha, haven't heard from him since.

Went to sleep, planned on getting up at 5pm... woke up, discovered phone was dead, hence no alarm, hence no idea of time... so attempted to get out of the room in which I'm staying while I house sit..... to no avail, I kept running into walls, it was horrible. Eventually found the door, only to trip over a chair in the hallway. Get upstairs to discover... its 5:50, and all my relatives are showing up at my parents house at 6:00... *FUCK* I'm only a five minute drive away, but still, run dowstairs, grab my stuff, jump in the car, start it, feed the horses, get back in the car, speed to my house where there are alreayd relatives waiting, run dowstairs, get dressed, redo my hair, makeup, TAAA DAAAAA!!! I'm here. Ha ha... my sister wasn't, my mom forgot her. To funny, tho Tiffany didnt' think so. Bolted down some dinner, then i mostly sat near the speakers so I could sing along to all the country songs instead of forced interaction with my family... My Aunt's b/f cornered me about the post office job I kinda didn't pursue, turn down. The moment I was LEAST looking forward to all night. So I kinda explained to him why I didnt', and how I was going to school... well he looked like he completly couldn't comprehend me giong to school, what was the point when you could work at the post office for the rest of your life like him?!? W/e, did the present thing, got mostly money since my family doesn't know me, got some tools tho, which excites me, annnnnnnddddd..... a 35mm manual camera. However... this camera is a lil TOO manual for me, (aka, its ancient) and very heavy... however, still, really freaking cool, but the other problem is, I'm pretty sure the apature isnt' working, and the light meter is messed up. *sigh* anywyasy, that was all fine and dandy, still sitting iwth relatives, when I over hear my grandfather and Glen talking about the post office, and how I shouldn't of turned it down... blah blah blah... annnnnddd.... that sent me over the deep edge, drug my mom to the bathroom with me where I completly broke down. Mom is so awesome tho, after a while she was like, "Ok... you need to pull yourself together, and go back out there. Who cares what THEY think you should do with your life, its YOURS. You're an actress... pick a character and come interact with your relatives." leaves... pops her head back in the door "Trixie could be amusing..." ha ha... anyways, did the cake thing, everyone went home, I went BACK to work.

Hadn't been at work for a half an hour, when in rides Jenny on one of those horse sticks... this one however has sound... very funny/embarassing as usual, and she was accompanied by Kaylee. THe horse was actually a gift from Kaylee, but she wasn't brave enough to be the one to ride it in. Also, Steph was at Denny's and had a sampler, so I was her server... was very nice. Right up until i read the card that said:

"It's your birthday and I wouldn't be surprised if you got carded when you go out and celebrate."
"Those folks at Denny's are pretty strict when it comes to ordering off the senior's menu"

*GAG* How could they... wasn't it bad enough I worked at Denny's twice on my birthday, but they had to find a card with Denny's IN IT?!?! *sigh* made me a lil sick. Anywyas, was working with Garfield that night, which was sssooooo awesome. Like serioulsy, that kid is so much fun!! And omg, we had real converstaion (i forgot taht ppl could actually have that...) we talked about relationships, and life and love, and pets and comfort, and dreams goals and ambitions... it was soooooo awesome. On my break Garfield plugged a loonie into the claw machine, and won a very cute puppy which he gave to me and siad "happy birthday" very cute, I made fun of him, was awesome. Anwyays, Garfield went home, finished my shift with Dave and Hardish, went home and slept for a couple hours.

Now, the really good part of my birthday is aobut to start. My best friend Mel, planned a party for me. She phoned to inform me that I had to be there for 3:30, but I whined and begged to come a lil later so I could do some stuff... she agreed, and said geusts would be there at 3:30, Becca there at 2:30, and I could arrive at 4:30 (because she had to catch them up on some stuff before my arrival.) WELL!! I managed to get my stuff done a lil bit early... and I promised Garfield (a whole bunch of times, and i kept putting it off, and pushing it aside) That I would come check out his wall (rock climbing wall in his basement, like the Craig used to be) and he could teach me to climb. So I phoned him up on my way into town, and was like, "Hey, 45 mins enough time to teach me to climb?" i later learned it really isnt'... lol. Anyways, so, I got to Garfield's house, and he tried to teach me to climb. So intence, holy fuck. And my forearms are soooo sore. They were actually sore at the time, and my fingers weren't to happy either... lack of calouses. But still, so awesome, and he wants me to come back, and I deffinetly agree.

So then I arrive at Mel's house... at 4:40, so I'm a lil bit late... aaannnnnddddd there is ONE person besides Mel there!! lol, eveyronce (except Wanda) was late. However, was fun, we sat talked, waited for other ppl to get there, I got a "Birthday Girl" ribbon, and then... I was taken to the back room, sat on a chair, got a hair dressers apron put on me and a blind fold. In front of me they sit Cole with a blind fold as well. Then they give Cole a bowl of pudding and a spoon and tell him to feed me!!!!!!!!!! Omg...... so horrible...... so funny..... I had pudding everywhere... Wanda got it up my nose, and Mel kept jabbing my throat, then my forehead, Cole kept trying to kill me by giving me to much to fast... it was aweful... and I have a cold, so I'm sniffly..... and Wanda got pudding up my nose, and I kinda sniffled.... ya, thats right, pudding UP the nose.... haha ha... it was way to awesome. THen we did the gift thing, everyone got me such cool things, it was awesome... lotsa toys, it was like my 10th birthday all over again!!! We played more Mario, Jen learned how to play Chess with Wanda, we gave back massages... it was really awesome. So much fun to have so many of the ppl you love in one room with you, who know you, but like you anyways. I didn't want gifts from them, because they already gave me the best gift of comming and hanging out with me, and TOTALLY making up for the really shitty day before. Thank you all!!

Anyways, Garfield said not to let the wall defeat me, but lets face it the wall won... and I think i earned a losers bath wtih all the awesome stuff Diana gave me, so I"m off to it!

Saturday, November 19, 2005


I'm all sicky... *cough* *sniff*

This sucks...

Friday, November 18, 2005

Paradise Kiss



*sigh* such conflict... finally got to start watching the anime Cole so loveingly burnt for me, and man do i LOVE It.... the anime is awsome.... and so's the manga, but the emotions it draws out of me I hate... I feel as tho that manga tears my heart and soul... so intense... so wonderful

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Say who... say me!

I stand before you, to sit behind you, to tell you something which I know nothing about. Yesterdays discussion will be about what colour we should white wash the school.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dragonstea Din Tei

Myyyyy a heeeeee myyyyyy a whoooooooo myyyyy a haaaaaaaa my a ha ha!

Hee hee, very fun Russian song. Wow, third post of the day, but I felt teh other 2 had to have posts of their own. Very odd, I woke up at 8:30 this morning. It was like... whoa.... I'm gunna be up for more than 14 hours!! i have more than 14 hours!! Of course, I haven't done much since I planned on being up, but before I planned on being up I got some stuff done around the house. Tonight gunna try and go help Kaylee with math, and then see Becca, maybe do some shopping and stuff. Visit Apollo, brush Kantana and clean his stall. Clean my room, which is somehow dirtier than Kantana's stall... do laundry, all that good stuff.

Ooooooh, my next week is all bookeded up. Monday, birthday, stupid family comming over between me waking up and going to work, tuesday, birthday party at Mel's house, and wednesday me and my family are going to go see Harry Potter. YYYAAAYYYY!!!! Pretty excited!!

SO! Had my $110 ride last night (I pay $220 a month for board so I can ride, and I've only ridden twice this month, which means each ride was worth $110). Was really good, Apollo was so cute, kinda frightened of everything as usual, however, the spurs helped keep him in line (Yuo know you're a horse person when you can't understand the odd look your friends give you when they see the spurs and whips in the back seat of your car...), anyways, continuing, he was really great and there were some jumps set up... so I thought I'd take a couple.... first couple were awesome, thought I'd do one more which is ALWYAS a mistake, when you say one more, you should always go ha ha.... just kidding. no more. However, took it... and.... accidentally spurred him over the fence so he bucked. Tried it again, and this time he actually succeeded in getting me off. landed on my feet tho, like always. Now lately I've been lazy... to say the least, and riding in w/e pants I happen to be wearing. It works... until last night that is... was wearing my work pants last night (never went home after work) and by the time I was done ridin, i noticed some.... discomfort in my right knee, rolled up my pant leg and noticed it was a lil red. This mornign, theres still red colouring and minor discomfort, if you replace "red colouring" with "HUGE FUCKING BRUISE" and "minor discomfort" with "really fuckin painful"

Anyways, I think i'm addicted to the computer, however, my Ron White clip is over, so I can walk away.... for an hour or two

"I may have the right to remain silent, but I dont' have the ability." - Tater Salad.

"Whats up with vegetarians? I did NOT climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots." - Tater Tot

"It isn't THAT the wind is blowing, its WHAT the wind is blowing. If you get hit with a Volvo, it ain't gunna matter how many situps you did that morning." - Ron White

Letter From a Llama Lover

Ha ha... well, Becca took the time to quote me, and Jen S quoted another girl's blog, but I found a letter that I recieved a lil more than a month ago that I thought I'd post.

Hello my dearest Dezeray,

I have longed for you since the moment we locked eyes at the discount bins at Crazy Willy's. Hark, what a sight-you were stunning; you were more beautiful that that lalama I saw on the side of the road while I was on my way to Yemen... and trust me, that was a hot llama. Yowza.


<3 Becca
Banana Llama!

And the countdown begins...

Hee hee, Harry Potter is comming out in 2 days!!! YYAAYYY!!! Even tho I know I realistically won't see it till next week sometime... probably next wednsday with my family... STILL!! TWO DAYS!!! And only 5 till my birthday!!!! ANd only another 2 1/2 months till the next Sword of Truth Novel comes out, and only another couple months after that for The Legend of Zelda; Twillight Princess, and only another what.... 5 weeks till Christmas? For us Denny's ppl, 3 more paychecks!! YYYYAAAYYYYY!!!!!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Right.... LEFT!

I don't actually have much to post about... works been slow, tho I've almost been late 2 days in a row... meh, and last night, Chris did my salt and pepper shakers, and Petra rolled all the cutlery for me.... yet I still accomplished nothing... Chris actually bussed my tables, and I still took a while to clean them... *sigh* Meh, whatcha gunna do...

Work sucks tho, so onto other topics like.... uh... I dunno, I got nothin. I just wanted to post the title of my blog, b/c it makes me happy...

OH OH!! saw the new "Legend of Zelda; Twillight Princess" Trailer... *drool* omg..... Link is SOOOO Fuckin hot. So very very very fuckin hot. If a real life version of Link, and Bradd Pitt came to my door... I'd turn down Bradd Pit... fuck man, I spend lonley nights with the N64 and a rumble pack... *cough* I mean... *walks away whistling* Anwyays, the new Zelda, as I bitched about in a previous post, not comming out till 2006 (Fuckers...) however, in watchign the trailer... very VERY LOTR style.... it even looks like it starts in freakin Hobbiton. And there is horse back combat... very different, very cool, and the graphics, very life like, very encouraging, very COME OUT SOON BEFORE I GET ANGRY!!!!

BTW, my birthday is in one week! Don't forget!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Exact Current Thought Process

HA, just got "home" from work. Made good tips, not very stressfull, Adrian's awesome to work with and for, useless hostess was fired, feel bad for her, other server was fired day before, feel aweful for her, dont' hate my job as bad today as I did on hand burning selling $2000 between 2 servers and only making $20 in tips day, am octobers "employee of the month", am bitter against Denny's for it already...

Don't believe in sleeping anymore as it seems to be dead time that i could be doing stuff but instead i'm wasting time especially if I'm dreamin as well, feel overwhelmingly busy but i'm doing dick all besides work and a few hours sleep here and there, Mike finally kissed me yesterday ok i had alot to do with kinda "shoving" him but hee hee so nice, never had a relationship that didn't start with a kiss before...

Last day house sitting owners come home tomorrow, not ready for their return but housekeep has made it easier than it could've been, found dog he came home today after 2 days of being missing *sigh*, now all i have to do is gather my crap wash dishes water plants get life back undercontrol...

Dad leaves for Chillawack today for powerlifting competition tomorrow hope he does well he should set some more records, hope training partners do well and mike doesn't lose to much sleep b/c of dads aweful snoring Gib was smart enough to get a seperate hotel room maybe mike'll just move in there lol...

Got exam results back got 70% on part that i fell asleep whilst reading the sentences 84% on math and everything else besides spelling somewhere in between spelling got 60% not so good however all scores well above what I need to exempt myself from math and english at college yay for saving a couple hundred bucks.

Have noticed i update my blog far more than anyone else i must have no life but how could I with this stupid shift and sleeping patterns, birthday in 9 days very excited, cook at Dennys thought I was 20, think I will stay 20 all my life since I have memories of being thought 20 even from age 15...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I... HATE... BATS!!

*shudder* Uggggggghhhhhhhh..... can't sleep bats will eat me, can't sleep bats will eat me, can't sleep bats will eat me, can't sleep bats will eat me. I'm obviously staying at the house on tabor lake right now... and the bats are hanging just oustide my window in the trees, and screeching... continuesly, nonstop.... its annoying, and scary, and so fortH!! Ugg.... i just want to sleep... I HATE BATS!! Which is odd, I hate the things associated with taht which I am... a Vampire...

Lost and drowning...

Lost- a) To let (oneself) become unable to find the way.
b) To remove (oneself), as from everyday reality into a fantasy world.

Drowning- To kill by submerging and suffocating in water or another liquid.

Drowning has always been one of my biggest fears. Consequently I am slightly afraid of water, and am claustrophobic. Yet tonight, in talking with my father I realize that sometimes I drown myself in the liquid that is my life, without always living it.

Anyways, as maybe one can tell, had a really good long talk with my dad tonight. Was very nice, I miss him so much, he has always been such an influence in my life, its odd not seeing him and talking with him and getting his opinion and advice everyday. He always makes things seem so possible, and tonight showed me how even though I feel lost, and am drowning myself by trying to do everything (whilst I argued, why CAN"T I do everything?!?!), I'm way ahead for my age, so mature, grown up, and ready for the real world. We also talked about values, and morals, about how I adhere to my values which are very important to me and in my life, but how I am able to sometimes... abandon my morals. We talked about how I feel as though I'm sleeping my life away, but how maybe its necessary, taking care of myself and health and such. We talked about maybe slowing down a little, reducing the self caused stress, and maybe actually living life a little... maybe ;) Geuss we'll have to see.

"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did."

"Money isn't everything. but it ranks right up there with oxygen."

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Continuing from where I left off yesterday... after my post, I went to bed... till 4:15 pm today... more than 12 hours sleep... its now 8:30 and I am tired, and once again ready for bed... been up for just a little more than 4 hours...

On a quick short note, saw Kaylee today, she bought a new Volkswagon (translation-Peoples Car) Jetta. Very sexy. Very her.

Ok, my beds calling me... not like Becca's bed, me and my bed actually have a spirtual connection just because we spend so much time together... *ahem* Some people say we spend to much time together... but they're just jealous. You're my life. You're my love. You're my bed... (just for you Jenny...)

"I got off cigarettes by chewin the gum. Got off the gum by usin the patch. Got off the patch by smokin cigars. I got off cigars by doin crack, so I'm pretty well tobacco free now!" -Bill Engvall

"I only drink on two occassions. When I'm thirsty. And when I'm not."

"I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

Oh, so many butts, so so many butts.

Ha ha... gotta love Hardish man, she's funny... of course we didn't actually hear her say that, but we figure she probably does when she cleans out the ash tray, and around the ash tray outside Denny's... its just fitting dont' you think?

Took Jen out tonight... sooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to see her... I knew I missed her, but it never really hits me how much till we hang out. Bought her better than sex cake from Earls, which we took home b/c she had no appetite, and I actually tried eating and felt it all squirming to get out again, and I REFUSE to throw up that cake.... i would probably eat my puke again b/c its just so good, so figured I'd wait till later to eat it... speakin of which, I've had quite enough of feeling this ill, and would like to go back to eating without having to struggle to keep it down. *sigh*

I don't have much else to post... was too sick to go bowling, all I really did was sleep the day away then go rescue Jen... how exciting eh? EH?!?!

"Hey, when I was a man, I would have dated me." - Becca

"I fricken love my Goat. I know... dont say it." -Phil

"That'll be a sad day, everyone in PG will undoubtedly weep for a moment." -Jeff

"It didn't end pretty but hey, not much does anymore!" -Jen G

"Your mom's wear ski boots!" -Eric

"Addiction is a scary thing." -Jen S

"See the theorey is the things you need the most you can't find you found your pants casue you don't need that, but you jacket on the other hand you need" -(Do i need to bother telling you...) Cole

"Hmm... that guy you've liked for a while, yes what about him? Oh hun, I already knew you liked him, you've liked him for a while now." -(Becca can sympathize...) Mel

"So gross... so so gross..." -Hardish

"Lettuce be friends..." -Stan!

AH HA HA HA! You've all been quoted... except... I couldnt' find anything interessting of mine to quote... *sniff* i just remember and find quotes, I can't make any worthy quotes... *tear* and wow... I think I had WAY to much fun doing that... so much fun... so so much fun.

Monday, November 07, 2005

*sigh* I hate work

Lets repeat that for effect... *sigh* I hate work.

Last night, it was just... steady all night, like, ppl were still commin in at 3:30, which is stupid, case between 3 and 4 is generally my recovery time... and most of the time it was, "Just drinks" And at one point... a to go order that had, 5 milkshakes, an oreo sundae, a carmel apple crisp, a brownie, and a chocolate cheescake. It took 16 minutes for me to make, and I'm pretty sure some of the nerves in my hand died. And then... it actually died at 4:15, and I didnt' get another table till 5:30. So I got all my stupid salt and pepper shakers done, Krysten had done most of the sidework, so I was ok there, cleared all my tables, cleaned all my tables, did all my sugars... then got a few tables, not a biggie. then... 10 to 6... SLAM!!! SLAM SLAM SLAM!!! i seat close to 10 tables in a row, plus I'm taking payments for my last tables. These tables are comming in so close together I can't get drinks out, AND I've run outa coffee, so I've got two pots on the go, then off to seat more fuckers. ANd this one table, that I unfortunatly have to keep passing to seat ppl are like... "we'd like some coffee please. We'd like some coffeee now pls. Are we ever gunna get any coffee around here?" so once the barrage of seaters stopped, I ran out drinks, then ran around taking orders, but by this time Nancy and Sharon are on, so I'm taking orders for them, and bringing them back so they can punch them in... very VERY nice of me, they didnt' feel slammed at all... and do you know what I get?! "Dezeray, you need to make new butter station inserts so that when Swing comes on, they're all ready for them..." so when swing gets on... GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! So I stopped helping then... and went home. The good news is I sold less than 500, but came home with $60. Of course... only $25 of that was in bills... *sigh*

Anyways... if I can make through tonight, then I"ve got two days off, so I'll prolly survive and stuff... but I picked up another shift, thursday 10pm-2am, so thats good... more money, but sucks for losing a day off...

Grrr... stupid Game Cube fuckers... I've been anticipating the release of "The Legend of Zelda; Twilight Princess" Since... well, before me and Cole broke up... so for 10 months... its release date was Holiday season 2005... and now the release date is, 2006... FUCKERS! Hopefully Volume 2 of chainfire will still be released in febuary...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

An Apology...?

Ok... first off, I think I should apologize to the house keeper... seems that my memory of dumping everything was an earlier memory when I first got home before the exam... SO, all my stuff was ACTUALLY in my car still... funny story eh? *sigh*

Ok, its official, the hostess is useless!!! At one point last night, Mike's section had no more empty tables... Connie had one open table, and I had 2... Stan was somewhere around 4 or 5, so he was doin better than me or Connie... but poor freakin Mike... yet, get this, I still sold $20 less than Mike... and tips were decent last night. SOld $550 ish made $75... however, $15 was in change, and only $6 were toonies and loonies... annndddd 62 cents of that was PENNIES!!! My Apron was SOOOO heavy last night...

and I think the world hates me, heres the list of insults I've recieved in the past 2 days:

"You're fat, and thats a compliments cause its the only thing you've got going on."
"You look like a cockerspaniel."
"Sorry Dez, we don't have a plastic surgeon or a psychiatrist on staff."
"Heard you were easy, so thought we'd all have a go."

Theres more, but I think my memory is blocking the others... just allowing so much pain, you konw? lol!! *sigh* The last one was Gary, there were a bunch more like that, quite funny actually, must say I'm becomming quite fond of the cook! Thast why I'm giving him ammo for Becca... I mean, um. *(cough* LOOK!! An obvious distraction!! No seriously, the word "gullible" is written accross the wall...

Ok, its official, I'm addicted to sleep, so am going back to bed for a 1/2 hr before heading to work...

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable."

"Money is something you got to make in case you don't die."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. "

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Sleeping during the exam is alright, right?

Ohhhhhhhh.... god. Wrote my exam this morning... when I was finished I'd officially been up for 30 hours. Stan did let me go home at 5 tho, so I had a 30-45 min nap before the exam... which didnt' help much, becase I actually fell asleep during the english portion more than once. It was sectioned off, so you couldn't go ahead, so everytime I finished, I'd put my head down (opportune moment for a nap), and wait for the little timer to go off saying we had run out of time... at one point tho, I was reading, then dropped my pencil and woke myself up... gah... so not good. However, once we started the math section, I was WIDE awake, i'm not even kidding, i love playing with numbers so much, and just the opportunity presented before me got my brain totally in gear, alot more thinking in math than stupid English. I soooooooo aced the math portion... I just hope I passed the english section as well. *sigh*

Also, to make matters worse, last night was pretty steady, I didn't ONCE feel slammed (which is good of course), and in my first 1 1/2 of working, I managed to sell almost 300 or somthing... and then the host came on... who constantly feels taht Stan should get all the tables, and I shouldn't really get any. I'm unfortunatly not exagerating when I say she seats me every SECOND seat rotation... and like I said, Stan somehow gets the majority of the tables... at one point, she kept seating Stan, and Connie and Mike were like... uh... what about us? (We had given up on my getting tables by this point) it was annoying... but I sold 600 by the end, and made a WHOPPING $30 in tips. All in all, not really a good night.

Ha ha... ok, and the reason a few of you are taking the time to read this blog... Mike took me to the Caribou last night. Was very nice, he actually relaxed a bit, and we were able to have conversation. I had the terriaki chicken caesar (Jen had it at the engagement party) which was very good, as I already knew from eating Jen's meal. Then we had an hour before work, so we grabbed some Timmy's, and just... drove around. Parked up at UNBC, and talked more, then we had to go to work, (for Jenny's benefit, he still hasnt kissed me) and THATS when he confessed his clock was behind... so we were nearly late, especially since he's always there 15 mins early, AND he wasn't in ANY of his work clothes... where as I was wearing work pants, just had to throw on my shirt. Management was a lil concerned about his showing up (not mine... I geuss I'm always in the nick of time) ALSO, I was ready for work before him, and none of them clued in we were out together, which is REALLY good, cause Petra was all concerned we couldn't work together anymore, and wanted to take one of us off the shift we're on... in fact, Petra and Adrian are managing next friday saturday just for that purpose I believe... see if we can work together. AND, in my mind, after last nights occurences, I think we can. Sam (the hostess) comes up to me, and all jokingly is like, "yaaaaa, Mike's a man whore... He sleeps around with the men." and I kinda... blink at her and go... "Oh... funny, cause we're kinda dating" (in a very, hurt voice, lol) ha ha... look on her face was priceless... apparently, she had NO clue, and then felt dumb for saying that. But the best was Connie, who was like... "Man, I really think Mike's a horn dog." I was like, "Oh.. whys taht?" "Everytime he gets a new table, hes like 'wow, shes good looking' or 'wow, shes hot' " ha ha... I think it was Sam this time who was like, "ya... Mike and Dez are dating tho" ha ha.... Connie was SO embarrassed, she felt bad for a good 10 mins. Highly entertaining. Anyways, I think that there is proof that even the staff we work with together every weekend, doesn't know.

OK! I... HATE... HOUSEKEEPERS. When I got home at noon today, after writing a stupid exam for 3 1/2 hours, after staying awake for 30 hours... I think its safe to say... I was tired... so I wont lie, when I got in the house, i kinda just dropped my coat in the hallway, and then my scharf a lil furhter up the hallway, and least my pants didnt hit the floor till I was next to the bed. HOWEVER, apon waking up this morning, my pants are the only thing I can still find (which is kinda ironic really...) my coat, and scharf are nowhere to be found!! GAH! What did the freakin house keeper do with them while I was sleeping?!??!

On a completly random note, my left middle finger knuckle is swollen and stiff!!! Its not good, its the knuckle I've dislocated twice... but this random inflamation is concerning, especially since nothing has happened to me to warrant this sudden discomfort... *sigh* anyways, its 8 oclock, which means I need to get ready for work... and by getting ready for work, I mean relocate my missing articles of clothing... grrr....

"I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."

"The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself."

"Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people."

Friday, November 04, 2005

My own mother...

Ha ha.... quick post before I head off to ride my horse and pick up my sister. Me and my mom were having this joking discussion which came down to, "you hate me don't you mom!! you're mean" then my mom looked at me and said "Your mom hates you!!" GGAAAAHHHH!!!! How could she/!?! *sigh* we've taught her to well I fear...

Also, in funny news, there is now a Mario DDR! SO HA! Game Cube is now almost in the running for being cooler than game cube... you konw... almost.

Ha ha... and the good thing about apathy... started doin shit around the house and in my life again, so in an odd way, thank you? for allowing me to not care again?

At Least Theres SOME Decency Left in the Human Race

So, got home (to where I'm house sitting) today after dropping Tiffany off at school, and lo and behold, there are 2 other vehicles in the driveway. Theres a lady in the one vehicle, who hops out apon my arrival, introduces herself as the nextdoor neighbor, and asks who the other vehicle (a white van) belongs to. I tell her I dont konw, so she becomes concerned, explains taht they just drove down teh driveway, thinks they went in the house, or somewhere close, b/c they haven't been there very long. So she walks in the house with me... we look for the 2 mysterious ppl, when we find nothing, return outside, and we go down to the shack. Turns out they're fixing the water pumps, hurrah, lol. But it was still really cool that she was so concerned, and accompanied me into the house. Very nice lady.

Ugh, I got another weird annonymus post...

Mmmmm...... gorgeous weather outside. I wish I coulda house sat here during the summer. Kinda looks like summer now tho, green grass, bright blue sky, rippling lake... I just won't step outside and ruin the illusion. Of course, if we actually got some hard core snow, that would prolly look just as wonderful, snow banks framing the lake... so peacefull out here... when Levi isn't barking or chasing the horses.

Hee hee, I'm off to dinner tonight. I'm really looking forward to it, I'm hoping we'll talk alot, and I'll get all sorted out... that is what I hope.

Also, I've decided I do more harm than good, and where Becca was being sarcastic in her blog, some of that is true for me... like, not wanting close friends. Sometimes I revel in that... ppl who arent close, can't hurt you. Of course, in an earlier post I said, noone can hurt you w/o your permission, you have to let them, but... tahts waht I meant, was that, its ppl close to you who're the only ones that can ever really hurt you... but if you can master your emotions, you can end the hurt to. Ben can't hurt me anymore... i stopped that. I dunno, I think I'm better off remaining a hermit... i've always kinda liked being a hermit, goes right along with hating ppl I geuss. Anyways, w/e. I'm done, over with, had enough. No friends leaves more time for the love of my life, Kantana, and he RARELY hurts me emotionally... don't get me wrong, chewing on my fingers last christmas really hurt inside, and when he's mean to me, same thing... but we apologize to each other and move on... Plus, the emptiness is starting to suit me. (And, I post some "open" emotions on here b/c, i know who reads it, and for the ones I dont know who read it, w/e. This is pretty well alot of the times my only form of connection with alot of you, and writing things out has also let me figure things out about myself a little bit easier... t yping it, rereading it... and I like sharing what I've learned about me with those I care about)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Tee hee, bwa ha ha!

My goooodness. First off, for those of you who think I can't be girly... then you're missin out on a good show of me trying.

The "other side" of the relationship I'm currently in, called me tonight. Tee hee... ok, so it was really bad, cause we didn't have much to say, and there were distractions... but long story short we're ACTUALLY going to dinner tomorrow night before work!! Tee hee heee... I'm being all girly and excited. Its actually pathetic when you examine me closely. Now, I'm going to grab this opportunity of an open blog window to post feelings on this relationship a little more clearly.

Cons- Hes 24, he appears to have no drive or passion for life, he does thigns that stereotypical girls would like (for example, i like that hat on you, i like that hat on you, thats a cute pin, oh, did you change your nail polish tint... got it?), I have a bubble, and he can be clingy... I dont mind hand holding and such, but stay away from my face, and don't lean on me. For me, the purpose of having a b/f (i'm really selfish, so bare with me) Is so that I have someone to lean on when I need it... i dont' have time nor patience for someone unstable who needs to lean on me. Sorry thats the way it is. He's really shy, hasn't kissed me yet, and outside of work we're hard pressed to keep a conversation going. The reason I keep this going, is cause during work, where he's WAY more relaxed, he's awesome... fun, easy going, talkitive... if he would relax outside of work, this would be awesome.

Pros-Lets face it, he's really sexy. I have this very strong sexual attraction to him as well, like, super strong. And at work, he's awesome... so much fun, as stated above, and restated for affect. And the most important reason of all... i just plain like him... its kinda funny and silly... and for some reason, that one reason can occasionally out weighs everything else, except the lack of passion and drive kinda always hover in the back of my mind. Ha ha... and as Mel put it, "He has potential" (god I love that girl)

Omg... I think Cole's right, I DO over analyse things... my goodness. Oh well, I'm really excited for dinner tomorrow... tee hee hee heee heee hee

However, NOT so excited for the 4 hour exam I'm supposed to write the day after that... *sigh* not fun. Especially since I opened some old Math Provincials, looked at the first question (w/o a calculator, cause thats how this test will be) and went.... huh? waht... *grabbed strawberry wine* and then read my wonderful astrology book Cole gave me... *sigh* so much for studying... specially since passing will save me a good $400... meh, anyways, i've been up for almost 14 hours, which is almost as much sleep as I got yesterdya, so I think its time to retire.

Time and Time again

I've said, that I don't care,
that I'm immune to hurt,
That I'm hard through and through.
But everytime it matters,
all my words desert me,
and anyone can hurt me.
And they do.

*sigh* today is my last day off of three, and I've somehow managed to accomplish dick all. Did get to see Mel last night however, which was nice, took her bowling with the "Denny's Crew" and by Denny's Crew, I mean, Me, Mike, Lynn and Karsten. Noone else showed up... but it was still super fun, cept Lynn tried to sabatoge my game.. ok, she was actually trying to help, however, I did way better before, and after with my old, incorrect methods. Still, lotsa fun.

Night before, went to Denny's to collect money that stupid Erik owed me. Found Phil and Ryan there, also Chris, Josh, Dan, and Stan, and others I think... i just can't remember now.... anyhoo, ended up staying with them way to long, then Tanja got off work and came and sat with us... and at one point Josh looks at me and says:

"You know... you're fat. And thats actually a compliment for you, cause thats the only thing you've got going on."

Well.... that was um... kind of Josh. Also kind of me for still driving him home after that I'd like to point out. So i've kidnapped my sister from my parents, and stolen her to live with me at the place I"m house sitting.... just so she doesn't run away from home, and so my parents dont' kill her and stuff her in the woodstove... So, also very nice on my part I think! lol! Specially considering I got up at 7:30am (which is when I"m usually falling asleep) just to drive her sorry butt to school. And I gotta pick her up from gym at 6 tonight. I think I kidnapped her to remind myself why I don't want kids.... ever.

One thing I have accomplished on my days off is rereading Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince. SUCH a depressing book.... especially when you read it RIGHT after Order of the Phoenix... *sigh* so between yesterday, and finishing the book today, I've cried enough for the next couple months... I'll be due around Christmas again, which is just natural to cry during Christmas cause its the worst holiday EVER!! thankfully I will prolly work 10pm-6am xmas eve.

Hnmmmmm.... my hair is starting to bore me.... its been natural coloured for more than a year now... very VERY unnatural for me... but with working I can't really do much to it.... maybe blonde streaks like the good ol' days of elementary school? Anwyays, I should go visit my mommy, post more later,

Hating ppl as always,

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

For The Record...

Allow me say some stuff "for the record"

I have been hurt... I have had my emotions toyed with, and fucked with, I have been hurt.

Breaking up with Cole was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

When a person says, "You don't know how I feel, or what I'm going through" They're generally lying even though they don't know it.

I've suffered from severe depression, and was bullied so bad at school for so many years that I wanted and attempted to kill myself.

The reason lots of you don't know I've been hurt? Maybe because not only were you not there for me when I was, but I have the ability to deal with my life and move on.

For the record, I hate people.

People can't hurt you (emotionally) without your permission, you have to let them.

Happiness is not necessarily an emotion, but more of a state of being. You can change your state, but you have to want to, and you have to work at it.

I'm not blunt b/c I'm a horrible person, bad friend... I'm blunt b/c its one of the most sincerest forms of honesty, which I value highly. As a friend, I will be honest with you, I will not tell you what you want to hear. If you don't want the truth, then don't ask me. I apologize for being blunt... its not the most tactful way of telling someone something... but its my way, take me or leave me.

"Life's a bitch" "love hurts" and "shit happens" are very true sayings... Deal with it.

I HAVE been hurt... badly... don't think I can't sympathize.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Dictionary . com defines apathy as:

1. Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.

2. Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.

This is deffiently an emotion (Or lack there of...) I've succombed to recently. It seems I tend to have feelings until they reach a certain level, and then they shut down. This goes for alot of things right now, work, life, friends. What is really intriguing about this is my relationships. As alot of you know, I'm currently dating a guy from work, who I was very strongly attracted to, and still at times I feel that attraction, whilst we're working together. Once work stops, its like he's an experiment, and I"m merely observing his reactions.... I completly remove myself from the situation, and watch. Actually, the relationship on the whole slightly bothers me. First off, he's extremely shy. Second off, I've heard sssooooo many things about him being a womanizer, and man whore, and other such things, that its sslowwwly starting to get to me (lack of apathy? oh right, once it actually starts to bother me, I shut down). Third, no passion for anything... has expressed a want for a love in his life.... and thats about it, not sure what he wants outa a relationship, outa life, he's 24 and just existing, plus, seems to him many opportunities presented in life are an excuse to party. However.... all this pushed a side I still find myself very attracted to him.... Has any of this made sense? Doubtful, I however just needed a place to spit this all out... I don't think its fair to him that I"m sooooo completly unemotional about our relationship, but I"m not sure what I can do about it...

Got slaughtered at work last night, sold more than $300 in less than 2 hours, on my own. Just me a cook, and an SA, who was kinda on my nerves... ooohhhh so busy, so busy. "can you bring coffee aruond" "but I just did... no no... sooooo busy" GAAAHHH!!! But then Krysten came back in resigned in, and took tables, and cleaned them for me, deffinite life saver.

Apollo's downtown right now, so Kantana's at home. Hoping after a week off I'm still able to rekindle the routine of going downtown and feeding and riding and such. Apollo seems quite happy to be downtown, and Kantana seems to have to much energy to stay at home... *sigh*

I was all excited about handing out candy this year at the place I'm house sitting.... we got 3 15 year old kids, all at the same time... might not've been a bad thing tho, I managed to eat the rest of the candy, and I didnt give them very much... :S oops.

Speaking of all these thigns, I need to clean Kantana's stall and put him to bed, then go downtown and clean Apollos and brush him and lunge him, then go get my money from Erik, the bum... so I bid yee all adieu!