Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Apathy

Dictionary . com defines apathy as:

1. Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.

2. Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.

This is deffiently an emotion (Or lack there of...) I've succombed to recently. It seems I tend to have feelings until they reach a certain level, and then they shut down. This goes for alot of things right now, work, life, friends. What is really intriguing about this is my relationships. As alot of you know, I'm currently dating a guy from work, who I was very strongly attracted to, and still at times I feel that attraction, whilst we're working together. Once work stops, its like he's an experiment, and I"m merely observing his reactions.... I completly remove myself from the situation, and watch. Actually, the relationship on the whole slightly bothers me. First off, he's extremely shy. Second off, I've heard sssooooo many things about him being a womanizer, and man whore, and other such things, that its sslowwwly starting to get to me (lack of apathy? oh right, once it actually starts to bother me, I shut down). Third, no passion for anything... has expressed a want for a love in his life.... and thats about it, not sure what he wants outa a relationship, outa life, he's 24 and just existing, plus, seems to him many opportunities presented in life are an excuse to party. However.... all this pushed a side I still find myself very attracted to him.... Has any of this made sense? Doubtful, I however just needed a place to spit this all out... I don't think its fair to him that I"m sooooo completly unemotional about our relationship, but I"m not sure what I can do about it...

Got slaughtered at work last night, sold more than $300 in less than 2 hours, on my own. Just me a cook, and an SA, who was kinda on my nerves... ooohhhh so busy, so busy. "can you bring coffee aruond" "but I just did... no no... sooooo busy" GAAAHHH!!! But then Krysten came back in resigned in, and took tables, and cleaned them for me, deffinite life saver.

Apollo's downtown right now, so Kantana's at home. Hoping after a week off I'm still able to rekindle the routine of going downtown and feeding and riding and such. Apollo seems quite happy to be downtown, and Kantana seems to have to much energy to stay at home... *sigh*

I was all excited about handing out candy this year at the place I'm house sitting.... we got 3 15 year old kids, all at the same time... might not've been a bad thing tho, I managed to eat the rest of the candy, and I didnt give them very much... :S oops.

Speaking of all these thigns, I need to clean Kantana's stall and put him to bed, then go downtown and clean Apollos and brush him and lunge him, then go get my money from Erik, the bum... so I bid yee all adieu!

8 comments:

Cole said...

adieu... Dez I believe your over analyzing things, which you do from time to time. It's the scientist in you:D It's good to look at what you are getting into before getting to involved. But, like you said your attracted to him, so they're some good qualties about him try focusing on those and you will do fine:D That's small opinion

love you

PS. I rocked that with grammer! Schooled it!

Dez Dez said...

*ahem* "so they're some good" should've been, "'So there are some good'" and it's qualities. and I'm not quite sure what was meant by, "That's small opinion"

Anonymous said...

I disagree. If something is bothering you and you just can't seem to "get it up" emotionally for this guy some of the time, you may want to rethink the relationship.
I've been there, and it's not pretty.
Remember, there is no emotional viagra. Think about it.
(Aside from the viagra part, I'm actually being serious.)

Cole said...

Curse you!:D hahah and my small opinion is you can take what you want from it:P and Jen I agree with you fully, but remember they're two sides to every problem.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Cole, there are two sides. But if one side is incurably unhappy or just plain doesn't have feelings for the other person then the other side really doesn't matter, does it?

Dez Dez said...

Ha ha... you guys are awesome, however, no more fighting or I'll um... do something.... so bad you'll uh... wish I didnt' do it so bad!!! Thanks for the advice Jen, but I dunno... my feelings are kinda on again off again (today, on again) so i'm just gunna ride it out... but I agree, if there isn't much on one side, the the other side doesn't really matter to much...

Anonymous said...

Sorry Dez...*hangs head in shame*
Just be happy, ok?

Dez Dez said...

Ha ha... no need to be sorry hun, really appreciate it all. AND, I love that you said to Cole that which I couldn't get him to understand when we first broke up... "But if one side is incurably unhappy or just plain doesn't have feelings for the other person then the other side really doesn't matter, does it?"