Lost and drowning...

Lost- a) To let (oneself) become unable to find the way.
b) To remove (oneself), as from everyday reality into a fantasy world.

Drowning- To kill by submerging and suffocating in water or another liquid.

Drowning has always been one of my biggest fears. Consequently I am slightly afraid of water, and am claustrophobic. Yet tonight, in talking with my father I realize that sometimes I drown myself in the liquid that is my life, without always living it.

Anyways, as maybe one can tell, had a really good long talk with my dad tonight. Was very nice, I miss him so much, he has always been such an influence in my life, its odd not seeing him and talking with him and getting his opinion and advice everyday. He always makes things seem so possible, and tonight showed me how even though I feel lost, and am drowning myself by trying to do everything (whilst I argued, why CAN"T I do everything?!?!), I'm way ahead for my age, so mature, grown up, and ready for the real world. We also talked about values, and morals, about how I adhere to my values which are very important to me and in my life, but how I am able to sometimes... abandon my morals. We talked about how I feel as though I'm sleeping my life away, but how maybe its necessary, taking care of myself and health and such. We talked about maybe slowing down a little, reducing the self caused stress, and maybe actually living life a little... maybe ;) Geuss we'll have to see.

"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did."

"Money isn't everything. but it ranks right up there with oxygen."