Lost soul, lost rider
so today i've decided i feel like a lost soul. Also, my horse made me a lost rider... twice, but we'll get to that. First off, lost soul, I'm no longer certain what i want to do anymore... i still really want to go to Edmonton, so bad, but at the same time i really want to go to school, and if i can go to school here with free room and board can i really justify going to Edmonton? the other thing that makes this hard, is i'm not really getting support for edmonton from anyone but my parents. I geuss in a way i'm getting support from my friends, in the way that they seem to be distancing themselves from me, for the most part leaving it up to me to go see them... Also, for all you reading who seem to be "worried" about my welfare, i only take on what i want to, and what i feel i can accomplish, if i've had enough, i'll quit something, find balance. also i'm doing no more than the rest of you. The difference is you're going to school as well as working, and therefore have homework, and in the end, more on your plates than i. The other part is, its called growing up. I'm working the equivalent of a full tiem job in ways, even tho my hours are different, i'm still working a fulltime job. I'm out in the world makin a living so i can afford things.... growing up, some of you could try it sometime. Anyways, sorry for the bitterness, as Holly said the other day, i'm gunna be one of those old bitter ladies with 100s of cats who dies alone and the cats eat my body long before anyone notices i'm dead...
SO! was home alone today and succumbed to depression and feeling sorry for myself, which mel (naturally) helped pull me out of, and my mom completed it by going for a bareback trail ride. Its ssooooo lovely this time of year, the colours, the smells.... i love it so much, there is no happier place than atop my horse. Atop being the key word here... at one point Kantana just freaked right out, and i fell down, on my ribs, then ass, hurt my wrist, had my wind knocked out, and burst a couple blood vessels in my ring finger. *sigh* regained breath, got back on.... rode a lil further, then we went for a wonderful gallop down this straight stretch... we're running outa road, so i ask Kantana to slow down, to which he responded in a way that was like saying, fuck you you're ruining my fun, he bucked, and i came down, lied there for a moment, he stood watch, then the second i got, and i got up angry, he ran to my mother for shelter... this time i hurt my right hip somethin fierce... and still, got up again, and went home and am now sitting here stiff. stupid best friend, *mumble mumble*
YES! the tires i ordered today are on sale for..... wait for it..... $39.99!!!!! can you say fan-fucking-tastic?!?! so i'm pumped for them to get in now, it'll be a while.
and that is all for my one day off... we'll try again next wednsday!!
Pppsstttt.... any help in making up an imaginary b/f to fend off drunk customers would be more than welcome... :D
"Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone’s eyes out. "
3 comments:
There was a child went forth every day,
And the first object he look'd upon, that object he became,
And that object became part of him for the day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many years or stretching cycles of years.
The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass and white and red morning-glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phoebe-bird,
And the Third-month lambs and the sow's pink-faint litter, and the mare's foal and the cow's calf,
And the noisy brood of the barnyard or by the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves so curiosly below there, and the beautiful curious liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful flat heads, all became a part of him.....
Dez,going to edmonton will be so great for you! I remembered when you frist came back you were gleaming with energy and you were so postive and excited! Not say that i won't miss you cause you know i can't go a week without so form of communication with you:D although I will not complain if you stick around to go school*Hugs* Whatever you do I will always be there!
*hug and kissies*
Lots of love cole!
I agree with cole, its not like we wont totally miss you, but when you came back from edmonton you were so recharged and full of life ya know? We just want you to do whats best for you. If you move to edmonton expect me to sleep on your floor though because I'll be visiting lots! Because of course I'll miss my dez, and because I'm a student I get 25% of greyhound... so I can get 5 trips to edmonton for the price of 4... WHOAAA!
lots of love. Sorry that kantana was a bastard when you were riding.
Jen
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