Happy things!

Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,

The earth lay cool and still.

When suddenly a tiny bird,

Perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely,

So carefree and so gay,

That suddenly all my cares,

Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places,

Of laughter and of fun.

It seemed his very trilling,

Brought up the morning sun.

I crept beneath the covers,

Crawled slowly out of bed.

Then gently shut the window,

And crushed his fucking head.

I'm not a morning person.

Daily Prayers

Dear Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the strength to change the things I cannot accept,

and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Dear Lord,

So far today I'm doing alright.

I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.

I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.

I have charged nothing on my credit card.

But I will be geting out of bed in a minute, and I think I will really be needing your help then.

Stage Manager Dez's Prayer

Dear Lord,

So far today I'm doing alright.
I have not lost my temper, cried, been nasty or yelled.

I have not hurt a fellow cast or crew member emotionally or physically.

Nor have I contemplated jumping off a bridge.

My headache hasn't yet turned into a migraine.

I haven't indulged in chocolate or other fattening foods.

I have not smoked more than a pack, gotten stoned or drunk.

But I will be going to the theatre in a minute, and I think i will really be needing your help then.

The Cat in the Hat on Aging.

I cannot see

I cannot pee

I cannot chew

I cannot screw

Oh my god, what can I do?

My memory shrinks,

My hearing stinks

No sense of smell

I look like hell.

My mood is bad-can you tell?

My body's drooping

Have trouble pooping

The Golden years have come at last

The golden years can kiss my ass.