I think the world needs a drink

Ok, well lets startl by addressing everyone's seperation fears. We're all in different situations right now... some are staying here for the time being to accomplish/work towards goals and dreams, some are here just existing, some of us are leaving to chase dreams, some of us are getting away just for experience and the sake of getting away... but when you look at it, we're all doing what we have to. You're right Mel, we're not in highschool, adn AMEN, I hated highschool!! lol! But you're right, highschool was that place where we all met everday, i remember when you went to Ottawa, it totally sucked not seeing you everyday. However, I'd also like to believe that our friendship is close enough that I don't need to see you everyday, or even every week. I'm busy, we're all busy, nad I try and post on my blog often b/c it lets alot of ppl keep up with whats going on with me. Some of you complain about how a relationship of phone calls isn't a good one... for the record, thats the relationship I have with my own mohter right now and we live in the same house. I see her maybe once a week, and then I talk to her on the phone about every other day... Don't get me wrong, i'm scared like the rest of you, while you're all here at home, I'll be gone... but hten 4 months later i'm comming back. Alot can happen in 4 months, unlike you guys, I"m not continuing with my life, i'm putting it on hiatus going off and living another life for 4 months, and going to attempt to return to the first life... but know that I love all of you, and we can do this... ( I hope that wasn't all ramble, and that I actually got a point accross...)

Now, lets talk about suicide. Somethign I've obviously contemplated a few times. However, am healthy now, but one can't really say athe same about my friends. The reason for dragging this up is the movie I watcehd, "About a Boy" the little boy comes home one day and finds his mother lying on the floor, she attempted suicide. From there on (theres other stuff to) but for the most part its about him trying to make his mom happy... he tries to get her a b/f, and when she gets really depressed again, he basically attempts social suicide by singing a song she loves in front of the school to make her happy... he was badly bullied in school, and then he started to fit in, but was willing to give that up to make his mom happy. Then Hugh Grant says to him "You cant make your mom happy... only your mom can make herself happy." So I want to repeat that for all my friends, We can't make the others happy.... they have to want to do that for themselves... theres only so much each of us can bear, and I think we should all start with our own lives and our own problems. I fight depression all the time, and trying to fight someone else's depression only makes it worse. Right now, I'd really rather just surround myslef with happy upbeat ppl... I dont' want to go back to cutting myself, to hating life, to wanting to end my existence... I LOVE being that person who lights up a room just by walking in it, the one whos passionate about EVERYTHING... I love life... but going back to old habits is way to easy, especially if those around you still practice them. I love you all, but I can only take so much.